I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
