I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
