But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize