Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
