worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my being single is dangerous.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
