I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
