Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
