so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
