Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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