Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize