the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We are all done wearing pants today
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
