Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
