I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
