Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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