hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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