After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
