Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
