I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
