The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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