did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
