Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
P.S. I can't hear my feet
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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