her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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