Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
