i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize