I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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