If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
COCAINE IS GR8
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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