No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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