Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
