I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
