I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You can't special order awesome
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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