Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
