Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I have feelings that need drinking.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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