ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
