Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
