What a fucking waste of an outfit
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
