White coat. Heels.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
