somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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