i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
