I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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