I'm gonna have a badass scar
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
