I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
