masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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