eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
