Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
