i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My penis needs a shock collar
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
