Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
And then my night got REAL pukey
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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