I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
