I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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