They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
