I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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