There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
