So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize