I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
