People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
