i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
