Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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