We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
