last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
