Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
