And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
