I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It's official drugs can't kill me
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
