How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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