12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize